How To Deal With Bad News

When I was in my early college years, I tried to convince myself that I had ADD so I could get myself on Adderall.  I had an eating disorder and thought that this trendy drug would speed up my "lose every pound of fat or kill yourself" diet.  The truth is, I just get distracted like everyone else.  In fact, I came to It's A Grind today to read and write, but have spent the last 1.5 hours narcissistically browsing photo albums on Facebook while simultaneously posting recipes on Pinterest that I'll probably never attempt.  What can I say?  I'm a flawed human.  But here's the silver lining:  I'm drinking a sugar free vanilla latte, and I do have a subject idea here.  You see, one of my friends was broken up with the other night and it got me thinking. While I'm pleased to say that I'm happy with my romantic life today, I've definitely had my share of heartbreak.  Who hasn't?  I got through them though.  However, I realize that I could have dealt with my past breakups [and plain ole bad news] better.  In hopes of helping someone currently dealing with the blues, below is the advice that I...advise.

1.  Do not drink over it.  I remember pouring myself vodka shots mere seconds after a particularly ugly breakup.  Seconds.  To consciously deal with the new information that I had been dating an asshole for months was too much to consider.  So I drank over it, which just prolonged the grieving process.  While I'm not saying you need to go stone cold sober, I am saying that you should face your feelings with a steady head.  Besides, alcohol is a depressant, dummy.

2.  Control, alt, DELETE.  Unless you guys ended things on mutual terms and plan on continuing a friendship (good luck), then I recommend deleting all contact information.  Even if you have his or her digits memorized, removing that person from your social network is a huge step in moving on.  It's called a break up because it's broken.  If you feel like there were certain things left unsaid, tell it to your journal.

3.  Channel your inner Taylor Swift.  We are never, ever, ever getting back together.  Sing it again.  And again.  Taylor has a song for every heartache.  Ignore the fact that she is a total cat lady.  [Actually, let's address that.  If you have a cat, you need to trade it out for a dog ASAP  if you desire any chance of being happy.]  Country music, in general, will be helpful to you at this time.  Regardless of how you broke up, Carrie Underwood's, Before He Cheats, might just be your saving grace.  Also, there are some great self-help books out there if every song is triggering tears.  I recommend Getting Past Your Breakup by Susan Elliott.

4.  Exercise your blues away.  You're angry and depressed at the same time.  While you might want to deal with your emotions alongside Ben & Jerry, exercising for at least 30 minutes will increase your endorphins.  Endorphins make you happy.  Ben & Jerry make you fat.  Surround yourself with positive people and take care of yourself.

5.  No feeling is final.  The world is not over.  Really.  It may seem like it, but I promise that you'll look back on this time from a much happier place.  The depression will absolutely pass.  Learn from the experience and have faith that there's a better someone out there for you.  It's all part of the process, babe. 

xx,

E

My Journey To Find Sleep

Photo Cred:  City-struck.tumblr.com

My body clock is screwed up.  S e r i o u s l y.  If my body were a clock...it would be on Tokyo time every other night, and then cracked into little pieces every Monday.  Here's the problem:  I'm not in Tokyo.  I'm just a sleep-deprived girl in California who is trying to find love...with her alarm clock.  I figure that I'm not the only one who is struggling to keep a consistent sleep schedule.  Maybe you don't care to have one.  In my case, I find that I'm not a fully functioning human when I've stayed up too late.  In order words, I turn into a quarter-functioning depressive who suddenly has no idea what she's doing with her life.  I actually fantasized about killing several annoying as hell children at work on Sunday because I had slept so terribly.  And sleeping IN is even worse.  I mean, how am I supposed to fit my morning workout in?  You can see my dilemma.

Fortunately, when there is a problem, there is always a solution.  In order to turn things around for good, I did a little research, courtesy a la Google.  In this post, I will give you a few reasons why we stay up so late, why that's not such a great idea, and how we can [and why we should] get better sleep tonight.  Read on.

Reasons Why We Stay Up Too Late:

Stress.

Work.  Fuck you, retail.

Bad television.

The bed is too far from the bad television.

It's become a terrible habit.

You're reading my blog.  Or Facebook stalking.

Sexting.  I mean, texting.

Side Effects of Not Getting Enough Sleep:

Late night snacking.  And let's face it, you're not eating kale.

Weight gain from the late night snacking.

Decreased productivity.  Increased stress.

Nausea and/or dizziness.

Memory loss.

Moodiness.

You will look like a zombie.

Tips For Better Sleep:

Set your phone to 'Do Not Disturb' 45-60 minutes before bed.

Don't drink coffee after 2pm.

Turn off your lights an hour before sleep.

Read rather than subject your eyes to TV's artificial light.

If your mind is running, write about it and let it go.

Benefits of Quality Sleep (7-9 Hours):

Memory improvement.

Reduced stress.

More time in the day to accomplish goals.

Healthier mind.

Stronger body.

May help you lose weight.

One more thing:  Do. Not. Press. Snooze.  Aint nobody got time for that.

Goodnight.

xx,

E

How To Lose A Facebook Friend In 10 Days

On Facebook, friend is a verb. 

I'm friending you on Facebook, girlllll.  Friend me back.

How fantastical.  You can request a friend, 'add' a friend, even full-on delete a friend without any social interaction at all!  If you find someone's posts mildly annoying, you can 'hide' him or her with the touch of a button.  Poof!  Friend-be-gone!  It's not real life.  It's Facebook.  Let's discuss the 8 most annoying types of Facebookers that warrant a defriending immediately.  

1.  The Chronic Inviter:  So and so has invited you to like her page.  Person You Haven't Seen Since High School has invited you to her dog's birthday party.  Support my cause.  Sign my petition.  Like my page.  Like my page.  Like my page.  OH MY GAWD.  Delete.

2.  The Over-Sharer:  I like you, Facebook friend.  We've had some good times.  But really?  Nobody needs to know that you're walking to Trader Joe's right now.  Or that you're stuck in traffic.  Or that you're having lady issues.  Or that you're bored.  Or anything m-to-the-undane.

3.  The Crier:  My life is a black hole.  This bottle of vodka is my only friend.  Bad news sucks.  But posts like, "I feel sad today." come across as manipulative pleas for attention.  Save it for your therapist...or call a human.  Facebook is not a friend replacement.  Disclosure:  I'm not perfect.  Duh.  I used to think this was appropriate behavior.  But I'd use song lyrics.  Like, the saddest song lyrics you've ever heard.  I'm sorry.

4.  The Political Pusher:  Close-minded people need to close their mouths.  Scrolling through photo after photo of your superior thoughts on gun control makes me want to shoot myself.

5.  The Bragger:  There's nothing wrong with a little self-promotion, but nobody should be clogging up your news feed with updates about how important/extravagant their lives are.  It's a beautiful day in Paris.  Oh, I'm always on the go!  Thank God for first-class.  We get it, you're rich.  Va te faire foutre.

6.  The Baby Mama:  Sometimes my News Feed looks like a baby nursery.  That freaks me out.  Oh, and Dear Expecting Mothers, I'd rather be chucked in the head with a pacifier than scroll through one more picture of a uterus.

7.  The Hacker:  Ooops, I farted!!!!!  ...2 minutes later..  Oh my god, Mike hacked me again.  I can't believe people still do this.  Defriend your friend.  He's 12.

8.  That Annoying Couple:  The status update:  I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world. #soinlove  Defriend.  The wall post:  I LOVE YOU BABE!!!! SEE YOU TONIGHT!!!  Defriend.  By all means, if you're engaged, share it.  But while the two of you are still in the dating phase, spare us the flowery adjectives of your burning love.

xx,

E

How To Be A Pick-Up Artist

Pick-Up Artist:  The ironically named man who seems to believe that the only way to get laid is to use a variety of underhand tactics and tricks.  // Synonyms:  Clown, Slimeball, Womanizer, Fail

Working in retail, I meet all kinds of lovely strangers every day.  Today, I met pick-up artists in training.  Let me explain.  This afternoon, two dudes in their late twenties asked me if I could help them find a book called, no joke, The Game: Penetrating The Secret Society of Pick-Up Artists.  HA.  Let me give you a brief excerpt from this book's description:  Hidden somewhere, in nearly every major city in the world, is an underground seduction lair. And in these lairs, men trade the most devastatingly effective techniques ever invented to charm women. This is not fiction. These men really exist.  The Game is the story of one man's transformation from frog to prince -- to prisoner in the most unforgettable book of the year.  Oh, gross!  Gentlemen.  No, no, no.  Don't listen to the sad man with the phone number collection.  Playing games will get you nowhere.  

In honor of the pick-up artist, I've compiled a list of the 10 worst pick-up lines of all time.  One of which was used on me today.  Yikes.

1.  Are those space pants?  Because your legs are out of this world!

2.  Do you have a map?  I keep getting lost in your eyes.

3.  What's your sign?

4.  There's a party in my pants and you're invited.

5.  I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.

6.  Are you OK?  It's a long fall from heaven.

7.  Do I know you?  Because you look a lot like my next girlfriend.

8.  Are you a model?

9.  Are your legs tired?  Because you've been running through my mind all day.

10.  Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?  Enough to break the ice.

Ta-da, you're a pick-up artist and will die alone!

What's the most embarrassing pick-up line you've ever heard?

xx, 

E