Tuesday, May 7, 2013

How To Be A Pick-Up Artist

Pick-Up Artist:  The ironically named man who seems to believe that the only way to get laid is to use a variety of underhand tactics and tricks.  // Synonyms:  Clown, Slimeball, Womanizer, Fail

Working in retail, I meet all kinds of lovely strangers every day.  Today, I met pick-up artists in training.  Let me explain.  This afternoon, two dudes in their late twenties asked me if I could help them find a book called, no joke, The Game: Penetrating The Secret Society of Pick-Up Artists.  HA.  Let me give you a brief excerpt from this book's description:  Hidden somewhere, in nearly every major city in the world, is an underground seduction lair. And in these lairs, men trade the most devastatingly effective techniques ever invented to charm women. This is not fiction. These men really exist.  The Game is the story of one man's transformation from frog to prince -- to prisoner in the most unforgettable book of the year.  Oh, gross!  Gentlemen.  No, no, no.  Don't listen to the sad man with the phone number collection.  Playing games will get you nowhere.  

In honor of the pick-up artist, I've compiled a list of the 10 worst pick-up lines of all time.  One of which was used on me today.  Yikes.

1.  Are those space pants?  Because your legs are out of this world!

2.  Do you have a map?  I keep getting lost in your eyes.

3.  What's your sign?

4.  There's a party in my pants and you're invited.

5.  I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.

6.  Are you OK?  It's a long fall from heaven.

7.  Do I know you?  Because you look a lot like my next girlfriend.

8.  Are you a model?

9.  Are your legs tired?  Because you've been running through my mind all day.

10.  Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?  Enough to break the ice.

Ta-da, you're a pick-up artist and will die alone!

What's the most embarrassing pick-up line you've ever heard?



1 comment:

  1. the best(worst) pick up line ever tried on me, literally two nights in a row. he was so intoxicated he didn't remember the first time he tried it on me.

    "this is my magical watch- it tells me you aren't wearing any panties... wrong? must be an hour fast"

    and we are still best friends to this day :)