10 Ways to Avoid the Superbowl

"Football Face" -Irving Penn

1.  Go for a run and don't even think about coming home until your Facebook newsfeed has confirmed the winner aka the glorious ending of the game.

2.  Eat spa food (fuck it, grab a slice of pizza) and read a book from start to finish.  I recommend: This is Where I Leave You by Jonathon Tropper.

3.  Go to the beach.  You'll feel like you're on a private island because everyone else will be glued to their television screens, slapping butts, and getting shwasted.

4.  If you live alone, good for you.  DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE.  Lock your doors.  Put your plaid pajama pants on.  Turn off your cell phone.  Trust no one.  KNIT!  NETFLIX!  AHHH!

5.  Don't be lured into a sports bar, you idiot.

6.  Grab your friends who don't understand football either and go see a real show at The Groundlings Theatre in LA.  This is also a great opportunity to catch up on all those Academy Award nominated films.

7.  Make sure your hair straightener is turned off and take a sleeping pill.  Leave the misery that is the Superbowl and enter hibernation.  Sweet dreams.

8.  Go to Disneyland.  (Or anywhere that makes you feel like you're on a magic carpet ride.)  It's a much happier place to be than beside your drunk friend spilling nachos out of his mouth while yelling at the television screen like a fucking gorilla on his period.

9.  Avoid the game but absolutely watch the commercials because they're awesome and your marketing professor asked you to.

10.  Move to Paris.

You're welcome.

xx,

E