Monday, September 30, 2013

I Miss You

I can still hear your goofy laugh.  
Rather, I wish I could.  You always knew how to crack me up within seconds.  There was so much joy when we were together.  When I fantasize about the old days, I imagine us playing cards at Mimi's house in Maryland.  We played cards a lot, didn't we?  War?  Poker?  Insignificant details.  Whatever we played, I don't remember ever losing even though I'm sure I did.  A lot.  You never made me feel like a loser.  I always felt special and loved in your presence.  You had such a kind spirit.  I think those card games were my favorite moments with you because we were in our own little world, and how lucky I felt to share that world with you.  I was so young, and you --with your charm and great hair-- I thought you were the coolest guy in the world.  My beautiful mom's baby brother.  Uncle Kendrick, I'm older now and I realize how much we had in common.  Did you know that I also struggled with depression?  It was so bad that I wanted to escape life too.  I almost tried.  I was so dark inside but knew how to cover it up, just like you.  What a struggle it was to feel so alone and hopeless.  You know what I'm talking about.  But guess what, Uncle Kendrick?  I asked for help and I'm happy now.  While I wish you had done the same, I know that you weren't in the right state of mind when you took your life from us.  Today is your 50th birthday and I wish you were still in my world.  We had so much in common.  I love you, Uncle Kendrick.

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