Friday, July 26, 2013

Textual Frustrations

I've dealt with some real shitheads via text message.  

We all have.  In fact, I'm probably a textual shithead sometimes too.  Naw, just kidding.

The following list is not meant to be offensive.  I'm mostly joking.

However, if you think I'm talking about you...I probably am.  Get your shit together.  Shithead.

5 Texters Who Suck

1.  The Abbreviation Asshole

Asshole:  Lolz. CU2MRW.  TTYL.

Me:  Nope.

Also, to the loon who casually uses 'ROFL':  Are you really rolling on the floor laughing?  Really?

2.  The No-Response Jerkface
If I ask you a question and you don't answer back, not ever, you're a jerk.

Example:  You fancy someone.  They fancy you back.  You think they do.  I mean, you guys talk all the time.  That is until you shoot a text asking if they'd like to hang out and grab a milkshake sometime and they never text you ever again.  EVERYBODY LIKES MILKSHAKES.

3.  The Needy Nerd
The guy or girl who still texts you asking how you are, what you're wearing, who you're listening to.  You never text back.  You haven't in months.  But they never give up because they're stupid.

4.  The Mass Texter
It's Wednesday night, baby.  You're watching a Lifetime movie and throwing popcorn into your mouth as if you're playing one-on-one basketball with your face.  This is what you want right now.  Only this.  And then...

MT:   Who wants to go out to the barz tonight?!  Woootwooot

[Proceeded by the nauseating responses of everyone attached to message.]

Ugh.  Unsubscribe.

5.  The Impatient Prick

Prick:  What the eff is your favorite color?

10 minutes later...

Prick:  ??????

1 minute later...

Prick:  Hello?

I hope you drop your phone in the toilet, retrieve it, and then drop it off a ten story building.

Disclosure:  The above examples have been dramatized for your pleasure.  I don't actually converse with anyone that ridiculous.



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